so… ah. hm. the new age. you've probably heard about it. new age is a branch of spirituality that is most commonly associated with hippies, stoners, and middle aged moms trying to sell you a multivitamin product. A spirituality that’s an odd mishmash between conspiracy, star trek lore, lsd, and unspecified “ancient traditions.”
however, i’m here to tell you that there’s something pretty dark underneath the pretty, crystal-coated surface of this particular peculiarity. where do i begin?
i guess i’ll start with the aliens. i don’t do that slow buildup thing here. we’re starting off wild and unhinged. yippee!
most branches of new age believe in aliens. they usually believe these aliens aided ancient humans in construction, spiritual evolution, and even meddling with their DNA. yikes right off the bat. (note: european cultures are never included here. take that as you will.) let’s start with the more serious ones, as two specific alien races have the most “worldbuilding” surrounding them.
THE PLEIADIANS
ok. this one is a bit of a doozy, so bear with me.
the pleiadians are an alien race from, you guessed it, somewhere in the pleiades. (wouldn’t aliens use their OWN name for a star system, instead of the earth version? like in doctor who, when gallifrey(?) refers to earth as sol 3?) pleiadians are supposedly purely good, and only wish to help humanity. they are described as human in appearance, on the taller side. they are also consistently described as having pale skin, blonde hair, blue eyes, and no physical deformities or traits that aren’t conventionally attractive. are you seeing what i’m seeing?
the pleiaidans are supposedly in a spiritual war with the reptilians, a race that is entirely evil and irredeemable by virtue of existence, who wants to manipulate humanity for their own gain. that’s right, the “love and light” mission of the pleiadians is to commit genocide against an entire species. and that brings us to…
THE REPTILIANS
the reptilians, as said before, are painted as existing solely to be evil. they are a species of shapeshifting lizards, which sounds pretty hardcore at first. however, they are said to pretend to be human and manipulate society, while feasting on the blood of good, christian children and running the illuminati, or another adjacent organization to rule the world.
if this sounds like the blood libel, a conspiracy theory made to target jews, that’s because it unfortunately is.
many new agers will try to extract the reptilians from their roots, saying things such as “they aren’t actually evil, just cold and logical!” or “they’re very upset that their name is being used for antisemitism!” but that doesn’t change the facts. the new age vision of reptilians is built to train followers to dehumanize others. whether it be by race, gender identity, etc. the pleiaidians are committing a ‘necessary evil” by killing them.
sorry that got so dark. i tried to tread as lightly as possible, but didnt want to categorize those with the remainder of this blog post. onto the goofy aliens, i s’pose.
THE ARCTURIANS
the arcturians are very tall, slender blue people with large heads and dark eyes. they are often depicted wearing robes similar to those worn by the time lords of ‘doctor who’ lore, or togas similar to those worn by ancient romans.
they also apparently really like having astral projection sex with people as a way of ‘spiritual healing.’
ok. ok. ok ok ok. yea. ok. ok.
skip to the next bold text if you’re uncomfortable. seriously. i won’t judge.
i read an instagram post about a guy who did a group meditation to ‘contact the arcturians’… and wow! they said they actually met with the arcturian council! the council was doing psychic chakra surgeries on their group!
one approaches them, asking what they needed. they told them to do whatever felt right. let’s just say um… the arcturian chose to do spiritual psychic surgery to align their… root chakra.
and that they started shamelessly moaning in front of everyone they were meditating with.
im not going into further detail. i cant. the things this user said are forever burned into my brain every time i close my eyes. i am shell shocked. nobody will understand the horrors i witnessed. creatures avert their gaze at my sight. for i am the harbinger of internet cringe. i am alone. i am empty. and yet, i blog.
THE AVIANS
can’t find out much regarding these guys. they’re just birdies. probably the least problematic new age aliens tbh. birdy :)
THE i cant spell these guys but im not looking it up so random bs GO. THE AHUNNAKI
the akuhnaki
(INCORRECT BUZZER)
akunahki
(INCORRECT BUZZER)
alhunaji
(INCORRECT BUZZER)
ahhunahi
(INCORRECT BUZZER)
a..nu..nnaki..?
👍
are a species that is ‘benevolent’, but either (jury’s out here) injected their dna into early humans as a ‘backup’ for if they ever went extinct, or engineered humans as a slave race and were ‘pleasantly surprised’ that we were actually sentient. basically, the anunnaki are galactic war criminals violating the galactic geneva convention. mhm. normal alien activities. least dubious doctor who villain
THIS IS NOT ALL THE ALIEN RACES IN NEW AGE IM JUST GIVING YOU THE POPULAR WORST HITS SO LETS MOVE ON TO
STARSEEDS
oh boy. i’m mostly gonna cover them in my NEXT blog post. but they’re related to the aliens topic, so i’ll discuss them here.
starseeds are basically alien missionaries sent to ‘fix’ earth. they’re usually described as either having the soul of an alien, being piloted in the 5th dimension by an alien, or literally being astrally injected with alien dna at birth. they can be basically any of the above races. they are perceived as literally inherently superior to your average joe. the only not-too-problematic version of this i’ve seen is ‘everyone is a starseed as we’re all made of stardust.’ but this is an uncommon if not outright looked down upon take. essentially, starseeds are a mix between evangelical missionaries for the new age, and a big chunk of master race ideology.
there’s claims that different unrelated mythologies and belief systems (usually first nations or egyptian) support the existence of starseeds, but these stories are altered, removed from their cultural context, or fabricated altogether.
starseed ‘symptoms” are usually just symptoms of adhd or autism.
NOTE: starseeds and alienkin are not the same thing. alienkin have no associations with the fascist and ableist roots of starseeds. also, some neurodivergent alienkin folk have begun trying to reclaim ‘starseed’ from new age. i’m not sure if it’s even reclaimable after learning all this. but hey, better than it being used for its' original intent.
THE DISCLAIMER
obviously, not all new agers are this extreme. most don’t even KNOW that their beliefs are rooted in this. they just know the vague alien stuff, and don’t connect the dots. this is why critical thinking is important. fascism with a ‘star trek’ or ‘doctor who’ coat of paint is still fascism. if someone who is a new ager is genuinely kind, it doesn’t always hurt to give them the benefit of a doubt and assume they genuinely mean no harm. new age has its’ claws in almost every spiritual space in existence now, from Christianity to witchcraft to neopaganism. so be careful out there.
THE BACKSTORY
i began researching new age, starseeds in particular due to an ex-friend who claimed to be a pleiadian starseed. (we parted ways for different, unrelated reasons.) i genuinely think she fell under the category of not intending any harm by it. she usually at least tried to be progressive. after researching just starseeds, i went down the rabbit hole and came out the other side as an unhinged punk rocker wilderness prophet.
i feel that people like her, well-meaning folks who genuinely think these systems have their best interests at heart, is why education is important, because even well-meaning people can be groomed and tricked into this stuff.
part 2 coming someday, where i’ll discuss things like ascension, 5d, the age of aquarius, etc. stay safe out there, folks.
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sources. plenty of these of genuine new age propaganda, so please proceed with caution. you are not immune to propaganda.
gaia article on starseed symptoms. new age site.
a much deeper analysis on how new age ties into QAnon by a much more professional blogger.
im not citing arcturian astral sex guy. im protecting you all. if you're that desperate, email me, i guess.
rationalwiki page on starseeds. rationalwiki is largely satire and also has iffy history with other religions, so i wouldnt trust it too heavily. big reddit atheist energy.
a brief history of the reptilian conspiracy.